Our family relocated this summer, from Miami, a hustling bustling global tropical salsa of an American city, to Crediton, a picturesque market town in the middle of rural Devon in south west England.
Um, yeah | 25.8N, 80.2W to 50.8N, 3.6W | 305 to 01363
No regrets… but yeah, it’s different.
It’s not the first time our family has moved countries and cultures, and we seem to adapt, absorb and evolve together so that our home is the multicultural entity that it is. I have a lot to say about identity, belonging, integration, acceptance, tolerance and the concept of Third Culture Kids, but I’ll get to those in a different post. Today I want to talk about the transition itself.
Relocation transition has three phases. Phase A is wind-down preparation, Phase B is wind-up settling in, and Phase C is equilibrium.
Phase A is all about selling property, cars, and anything you’re not taking with you, wrapping up work and volunteer activities, saying goodbye to friends and maybe family. Phase A is not technically challenging because you know the system you are leaving, so you know how to cancel utilities, subscriptions, and hand over work responsibilities to the next person. Phase A is usually sad, because no matter how much you’ve loved or hated where you’ve been, you’d have to be a very hard hearted person not to have made friends along the way, or made some type of an impact to your work or community, and no matter how much you may be looking forward to your move, it’s sad to leave these friends and those achievements when you do move. Phase A is technically easy, but emotionally draining.
Phase B is all about buying property, cars, and anything you need to set up a home again, finding work or settling into the job you have moved for, meeting people and making new friends. Phase B is technically challenging because you may not be as familiar with the new system and you are finding out how to set up utilities, define work responsibilities, and discover relevant community groups to join. Phase B is usually upbeat, because no matter how sad you were to leave your previous place, you’d have to be a very negative person not to get a little excited about the prospect of a fresh start. Phase B is technically difficult, but emotionally positive.
Phase C is when you are sitting on your sofa at the end of the day with your feet up and you suddenly realize that you are settled and life is normal. This Phase creeps up on you, you strive for it and yet you don’t see it coming. When it is finally there, you breathe a sigh of relief. Then one of two things happen. You either start wondering when you will move again, or you decide you will never move again. Phase C is technically easy and emotionally positive.
So I tried something new this move. I tried to bring some of the positivity of Phase B into Phase A. I set myself up with a new venture and tried to make it happen while I was wrapping up. It didn’t work, I couldn’t do it, the new venture remained untouched until I moved. I had to go through the grieving period of leaving Miami before I could start the excitement of living in Crediton, and I could not cheat the system. Maybe a younger person could, maybe a less busy person could, but I could not. It made me understand that these phases are real, they have to take their course, and as my grandmother would have said, all in good time.
photo by SKhuri | here we go again | Miami, FL, USA
Look forward to reading more. All good so far
? from the 305! Sometimes acceptance of the natural path is one of our most challenging tasks, moving process included. No harm in trying to integrate new approaches clearly, and it was my honor to have played a small part. Now only if we can somehow bring to this fabulous site the feeling that enters your heart when you open the front door and let a friend in to tackle life’s challenges!
There is also the “missing” the friends and previous “home” in phase B and C especially if cultural shift is so large that it doesn’t feel aligned with your values and principles. It’s like working in a work environment that doesn’t fit with your values, you feel unaligned.